Marc’s Musings and Random Rants

Last night I went to Television Centre (for the first time) to be in the audience for the next series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks. It was the first of the new series to be aired in March, and the first without Mark Lamarr as the host in the show’s ten year history. It sounds as though they will be doing a Have I Got News For You-style host-a-week, although no-one admitted why Mark is no longer the host. I heard a bit of his Radio 2 show at the weekend and was less than impressed, but then he did have Jo Brand as a guest.

Last night’s guest host was T4 and Popworld’s Simon Amstell, probably best known for being a guest on the show twice previously and being one to have a dig at celebrity á là Monsieur Lamarr. He was quite nervous and I don’t think was as quite in control as what I can imagine his predecessor as being - in fact the first half of the opening round went on for over 90 minutes and will probably be edited down to five at the most! Simon also got a bit confused a couple of times during the show, but overall handled the pressure well.

Being the first show I’ve seen I think it was a good choice (Mock the Week was taking place in the next studio) and it’s interesting to see how it all goes on behind the scenes. Unfortunately most of the material will be simply unbroadcastable - I’m not sure if the ‘C’ or the ‘F’ word was the most frequently used - including the on-going joke at Kenzie’s (oh come on, you know the one. He’s ex-Blazin’ Squad!) expense which I can’t possibly mention here.

There was no mention of the other guest hosts lined up probably for tonight and into next week, but the guests themselves were pretty poor compared to previous shows but I think they have been on the decline for a while. This used to be one of my favourite BBC2 shows, but could this be the start of the end of another institution, as happened with They Think It’s All Over? I hope not. After Angus Deayton left HIGNFY I think it in some ways improved, with the team captains being able to have regular digs back at the host, which is quite rare for that type of programme.

I am aware that Parcel Force have had a number of problems over the last fews years but I thought they would have sorted themselves out by now, but oh no. Take a look at this Bulldog delivery. My new (and, eventually, free) wireless router was dispatched on 14 September and delivery was apparently attempted over the next couple of days. Did they leave a card announcing mis-delivery? Did they ‘eck. I don’t reckon they even found my letterbox.

Following the tracking system through, you can now see that the item was returned and held at the depot. I tried calling Parcel Force to find out what I should do and they were “surprised” that no card was left but told me I had to speak to the Charlton depot. That’s easier than it sounds. I spent a good couple of weeks or so trying to get through but I was constantly on hold waiting to speak to someone (and trust me, the pseudo Coldplay Clocks track is not what you want to be forced to listen to when you’re getting rather impatient). Nothing was happening on the online tracking system during this time.

Eventually I got through to a human (in the remotest sense of the word) last Saturday 8 October and, after “popping out” to find the parcel, they called me back at work to say that the item was in front of her but she “cannot read the courier’s writing” to tell me why it had not been delivered. Neither could the other muppet working alongside her (and, incidentally not answering the constantly ringing phones in the background).

She agreed to arrange a redelivery for yesterday, 13 October but I wasn’t entirely surprised when nothing turned up. What did surprise me was that the parcel had been delivered… to Birmingham! I have absolutely no idea what had happened, but the online tracking system showed that it had been sent to the West Midlands and R. Gilbert had signed for it.

I bypassed Charlton and went straight to the main Parcel Force office to find out what had happened. This was more difficult as the tracking system no longer showed the parcel reference number. Aaaaah! Fortunately, I found out by accident that right-clicking on the signature reveals the parcel reference in the image URL. So, it turns out that somehow the delivery postcode had been changed from BR1 (Bromley) to B46 (guess where) and the parcel had been diverted and delivered 129 miles away in Coleshill, even though the remainder of the address had my full address and borough! Unfortunately I would have to speak to the West Midlands depot to sort it out.

I made a decision at this stage to give up with Parcel Force and get Bulldog to sort it out. After putting me on hold for over ten minutes (with some more relaxing hold music, now you ask), the adviser advised me that they will send out another router for me. I couldn’t believe they were giving in so easily… finally do I have something positive to say about Bulldog?

I don’t know about that, it disturbed me that I don’t think they are going to take it up with Parcel Force. If not I may try it myself, or even write off to the misdelivery address and ask for the router back!

What a farce. The router should be with me in “5-7 working days”… I’ll report back either way!

Last night a major fire devastated Southend’s world famous pier. It is one of the landmarks of my home town that helps to hold the place together and certainly keeps the tourists flooding in, blue rinse in tow. It doesn’t have (can’t get?) insurance, yet this is the fourth time since its construction that fire has broken out on the supposed non-smoking structure. It is estimated that it will cost millions of pounds to repair.

Most recently it was the bowling alley that was detroyed in 1995 where I enjoyed many birthday parties with schoolmates (it was never rebuilt) and nine years earlier, a boat trying to take the shortcut straight through the middle caused major damage. In 1976 another major fire destroyed most of the Victorian pier head, with repairs to the damage only being completed in 2002. The first fire of 1959 lead to the construction of the bowling alley to replace the original gutted Pavilion.

The pier’s feature - being the longest pleasure pier in the world - was also its downfall when attempting to deal with the blaze. Its 1.3 mile length was required in order to reach commercial and leisure vessels coming up/down the Thames Estuary at all tides. Anyone who has been on seafront will know how far out the mud stretches at low tide, and this was exactly the situation late last night when fire crews attempted to get their equipment to the pier head. Hovercrafts and other specialist equipment had to be called in.

A good BBC video clip can be found in this article, along with a great quote from a witness to the 1995 fire:

I also saw the fire back in 1995, and remember seeing bowling balls falling into the sea in clouds of steam.

Maybe those great balls of fire are still down there, buried in that pesky mud?

Everywhere I walk around Bromley at the moment I seem to see red rubber bands on the pavement.

What are they for? Where have they come from?

Are they following me?

I have just seen the most ridiculous advert in a newspaper for a long time:

Thinking about a Florida Vacation?
Please Ensure Your Family is Safe
A new law in the Sunshine State may encourage Floridians to "shoot first" when they feel threatened.
In Florida, avoid disputes that could escalate into violence. Use special caution in arguing with motorists on Florida roads.
Police and prosecuters are concerned about the potential for uneccessary violence.

The advert is supported by the Brady Campaign "To Prevent Gun Violence" and has a link to www.shootfirstlaw.org.

There are three things that strike me about this ad: firstly, that residents are being encouraged to "shoot first" rather than sit down and discuss whatever is on their tits; secondly, that roads are the most dangerous place to argue with a "Floridian" (and accordingly to the website, eventually all Americans); and finally, that the whole campaign seems to be supported by an anti-gun group!

I can see the idea behind the campaign but I feel that this particular advert is going about it the wrong way. The details outlines in this PDF download make much more sense and are much more subtle. It does however, make you wonder why is this particular law being changed anyway, allowing the "threat to be eliminated" without (m)any repercussions.