All but one of the descriptions/photos were accurate (a stile had mysteriously disappeared) but fortunately someone’s parents had recently done the same route so we had inside knowledge of where not to go! Even the three-hour estimated length of time to complete the route was accurate, but we did have a few breaks.

The weather was also pretty amazing for September, especially after the misery suffered the week before.

What is it with pedestrians and iPods? Do they lose all sense of their surroundings as soon as they spin that click-wheel? At least he was a fairly large lad, so it probably hurt him more than me when he looked but didn’t see, and just stepped right out.

Idiot.

Following the tracking system through, you can now see that the item was returned and held at the depot. I tried calling Parcel Force to find out what I should do and they were “surprised” that no card was left but told me I had to speak to the Charlton depot. That’s easier than it sounds. I spent a good couple of weeks or so trying to get through but I was constantly on hold waiting to speak to someone (and trust me, the pseudo Coldplay Clocks track is not what you want to be forced to listen to when you’re getting rather impatient). Nothing was happening on the online tracking system during this time.

Eventually I got through to a human (in the remotest sense of the word) last Saturday 8 October and, after “popping out” to find the parcel, they called me back at work to say that the item was in front of her but she “cannot read the courier’s writing” to tell me why it had not been delivered. Neither could the other muppet working alongside her (and, incidentally not answering the constantly ringing phones in the background).

She agreed to arrange a redelivery for yesterday, 13 October but I wasn’t entirely surprised when nothing turned up. What did surprise me was that the parcel had been delivered… to Birmingham! I have absolutely no idea what had happened, but the online tracking system showed that it had been sent to the West Midlands and R. Gilbert had signed for it.

I bypassed Charlton and went straight to the main Parcel Force office to find out what had happened. This was more difficult as the tracking system no longer showed the parcel reference number. Aaaaah! Fortunately, I found out by accident that right-clicking on the signature reveals the parcel reference in the image URL. So, it turns out that somehow the delivery postcode had been changed from BR1 (Bromley) to B46 (guess where) and the parcel had been diverted and delivered 129 miles away in Coleshill, even though the remainder of the address had my full address and borough! Unfortunately I would have to speak to the West Midlands depot to sort it out.

I made a decision at this stage to give up with Parcel Force and get Bulldog to sort it out. After putting me on hold for over ten minutes (with some more relaxing hold music, now you ask), the adviser advised me that they will send out another router for me. I couldn’t believe they were giving in so easily… finally do I have something positive to say about Bulldog?

I don’t know about that, it disturbed me that I don’t think they are going to take it up with Parcel Force. If not I may try it myself, or even write off to the misdelivery address and ask for the router back!

What a farce. The router should be with me in “5-7 working days”… I’ll report back either way!

What are they for? Where have they come from?

Are they following me?

1. Poor customer service
   Admittantly I was pretty unlucky to turn up to use the gym today behind a swim party of about thirty children, but that is no excuse for having three people behind the desk and only one serving. When I do eventually get served, there's not even a 'sorry to keep you waiting, sir'. Just a swipe of the card, and in I go. Why can't they have a swipe machine that I can use and go straight in, like in my old gym?




2. Changing Rooms
   The changing rooms are pretty nasty, but are probably the best air conditioned part of the building. They are in desperate need of a good clean – their idea of cleaning is detaching the fire hose and giving the area a quick wash down, during normal opening hours – but preferably a refurbishment. I daren't describe the toilets, but at least they have working soap dispensers now.




3. Hot & sweaty gym
   The air conditioning in the gym is very inconsistent, and today completely non existent. During the hot summer months, with many of the clientele unsure of the definition of personal hygiene (never mind general gym etiquette), the ambience can turn rather stale to say the least.




4. IGE (in-gym entertainment)
   The council should at least invest in improving the entertainment in the gym. Currently there are four small televisions usually showing BBC1 or ITV1 with subtitles. Again, my old gym had four plasma screens with Sky and plug-in sound boxes on all CV equipment. Today we had two of my worst nightmares, namely the Weakest Link 'quiz' (with sixty-twenty year-old Anne Robinson) and the 'sport' Cricket (with some blokes strolling around in the sun, until it rains).

The main reason behind the lack of investment compared to my old gym is that the latter was a public-private partnership. It was actually a Holmes Place (of which I only recently found the Bromley branch) and had heavy investment during my year-long membership. In fact the gym was completely refurbished, along with the dry changing rooms, reception, bar, shop and decor. More has probably been done since I left.

I am paying less here (although that does include corporate discount) so I can't complain too much, it just seems like some very basic improvements should be undertaken to make visits more bearable. Of course I could make my feelings known using their 'talk back' service but I don't think the forms are large enough…

Of course as quickly as the rain dropped during the storm, it had disappeared down the sewer. Doesn't look like there will be a hosepipe ban in this part of Kent this summer…

The minimum speed in a built-up area is 30mph. For Widmore Road and Masons Hill, this is increased to 50mph.

Slow down to 30mph for speed camera before revving off at 50mph when past its range.

Once the traffic warden has been past, you should park on double-yellow lines or other restricted spaces.

Obey all traffic restrictions. Except when the traffic is a bit busy in town but the bus lanes are empty.

   

Refrain from using your indicators at all times. Especially avoid letting pedestrians know where you're going.

Traffic lights are for show. If they're red, just go straight through.

I had trouble finding signs for no mobile phone hands-free kits permitted and bus drivers must ignore the entire Highway Code.

'Thanks Sherlock' footnote: THIS IS A JOKE!